


Intake

by GoofyGoldenGirl



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Ambiguity, Angst, Bittersweet, Boss/Employee Relationship, Caring, Character Study, Denial, Doctor's Office, Emotional Baggage, False Hope, Gen, Guilt, Illnesses, Loneliness, Mild Language, Nathalie Sancoeur-centric, Peacock Miraculous, Poor Nathalie Sancoeur, Secretaries, Terminal Illnesses, Unrequited Love, Vulnerability, relationships, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-31 13:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoofyGoldenGirl/pseuds/GoofyGoldenGirl
Summary: Nathalie had to take a step back and think: what did she still have?





	Intake

“So Ms. Sancoeur what can I help you with today?”

The doctor sat down in a medical stool and maneuvered it so she faced Nathalie on the examination table and was able to access her chart on the computer. Nathalie’s legs kicked back and forth against the table’s edge. The back of her neck prickled both from nerves and from the starch fabric of the medical gown she was wearing. 

“I—“ she racked her head for the right words to say.

_ This sentient piece of jewelry is slowly draining me of my health_

“I’ve been having this persistent cough and fatigue over the past few months—“

_They always happen after I use it _

“I get these dizzy spells that just appear out of the blue. I start seeing spots and my vision goes blurry. My body shakes and I lose my balance. If I’m walking, I trip and fall. Standing, I collapse to the floor. I’ve fainted on more than one occasion. I’m more tired than usual and that it takes a lot of energy for me to do simple tasks.”

_The spots are always blue not black and white_

The doctor glanced over at Nathalie after typing something on the computer. 

“And the coughing?” She asked.

“Sometimes they come with the spells. Other times by themselves. My chest and throat feels like they’re tightening up whenever it happens. I find it hard to breathe and I wheeze long after I’ve had a fit.”

“When you do cough, do you notice any phlegm, mucus?”

“No,” Nathalie said.

_Thank god_

Nathalie sighed. The doctor’s fingers clacked on the keyboard.

The doctor’s questions jumped to other symptoms and circumstances that Nathalie might experience but not notice as clearly as the others. Nathalie accompanied her answers with a nod or a shake of her head.

“Loss of appetite?”

_Come to think of it, I haven’t been hungry at all lately. I just thought it was because I didn’t have time to grab food after work. _

“Have your dizzy spells worsened when you’re stressed?”

A hard nod.

_Definitely yes._

“Any drinking?”

“Only an occasional glass of wine during dinner. But I don’t drink heavily in general.”

_And what about last week when Gabriel brought out a whole bottle and we split it between the two of us? Boy he—we were a mess_

“Fevers?”

_If I remember correctly that’s the last stage before you shut down _

“Have you noticed any changes with your period?”

_If the Peacock Miraculous can affect periods then I’m screwed_

“Alright, let’s take a look.”

Being still as a statue was a skill that Nathalie excelled at during her time working for the Agrestes. She did not flinch or wince once as the doctor shone lights into her eyes and mouth that were accompanied by the depressor that weighed down her tongue. Not when the doctor palpated her swollen lymph nodes with a pressure that felt painful to the touch. Nor when the cold, hard stethoscope indented against her back and chest.

“Cough.”

Nathalie’s heart felt like it was crawling up her throat. Her mouth gaped open, feeling her tongue curl towards the back of her mouth in a desperate attempt to hold the cough back. Her hands gripped the edge of the examination table much like the way a diver would clutch the railing before springing off the board into the deep waters below. She couldn’t cough. One cough would lead to another. And then a fit. She’d lose control and that couldn’t happen. Not when she had an entire household to look after—

“Cough,” the doctor’s voice came again.

Nathalie relented. Instinctively her hand shot up to cover her mouth, but the cough had already passed and she let her hand fall. 

The sink ran. The doctor walked over to the computer, typed something down, then headed over to Nathalie. 

The doctor accompanied her words with sharp hand gestures. 

“What I’m going to do is order a blood test to check for anemia and mononucleosis—“

Nathalie nodded along to the doctor’s words. They flitted in and out of her head that was slowly felt like it was drooping down to touch her chest.

“What makes me suspect—common symptoms are—if you have a family history—Results should come back within two to three days—take it easy for a couple of days—Over the counter iron supplements should help with fatigue—if you have a fever over 40 degrees celsius—Any questions?”

Nathalie’s head tilted straight up. 

“No,” her voice was hoarse. 

“I’ll let you change and then have one of the nurses show you down to the lab. Have a good day.”

The door slammed shut. Nathalie began to cough.

___________________________________________________ 

Nathalie started out into a brisk walk upon exiting the subway station. Her right hand clutched a to-go cup of hot chamomile tea. Her left arm dangled loosely in the loop of the strap which she balanced her purse. The crook of her arm ached from where blood had been drawn and from the weight of her bag. She held the cup up and took a sip.

_I should have really ordered coffee to keep my energy up_

The relief of hot liquid trickling down her throat reminded her of why she had chosen to order tea. She deeply breathed, savoring the feeling of her throat being clear for just a brief second.

The light at the crosswalk had not turned green. Nathalie waited. She gazed at the people around her. Businessmen in three piece suits who appeared to have stepped out from a lunch meeting and were on their way back to the office. Shoppers lugging their latest purchases and chatting loudly with their friends. University students who glanced back and forth between the phone in their hands and the light that still flickered red. Exhausted parents, clinging onto a tiny hand, or onto the handle of a stroller, weakly nodding as their children energetically bounced about. Their shrill, inquisitive voices pierced the air with each point around them.

_ This is all so **normal**_

The idea that her life had any semblance of normalcy left in it was laughable. Nathalie had known since the moment she was hired as the Agrestes’ assistant two years ago that her life would never be the same ever again. Back then, at that young and naive age of twenty eight, she had believed that a life full of glamour and luxury had been handed to her on a platter. Working with, being in close contact with celebrities, having access to the latest styles before they hit the market, becoming a jet-setter with every fashion week show, receiving expensive gifts as a holiday bonus that hopefully would give way to a lofty paycheck. The future _sparkled._ It beckoned her forward and crooned to never look back.

Of course that was until Emilie became ill, and the new normal extended to a realm full of impossibilities. 

The light flashed green. The people beside her trudged ahead. Nathalie quickened her pace so that she wouldn’t be late and left behind in the dust.

_It’s only a few days until I get the results back I can wait I have time _

She went to throw away her empty cup. Without a clutch to hold, her right hand felt exposed and bare as she continued down the sidewalk.

_ I still have my health, for now I’m doing fine I’m not getting too bad I’m in better shape than Emilie was back then _

The Agreste mansion loomed in front of her. She took a step back.

_At least I **think** I am _

Her hand reached into her bag for her keycard. The buzzer clicked, the gate swung open, and Nathalie braced herself for what the afternoon might bring.

So far it was quiet. Gorilla had pulled the car out and was meticulously wiping the windshield to and fro even though it was as clean as a whistle. His head turned around as Nathalie passed him. He gave her a curt nod to acknowledge her presence before getting back to the task at hand.

Nathalie’s hand gripped the doorknob. The world spun in blue.

________________________________________________________________ 

“Hi Nathalie.”

The sound of Adrien’s voice startled her from the report she was reading. He stood next to the desk, schoolbag over his shoulder.

“Adrien, you’re home already? It’s only three,” Nathalie gazed over at the time on her laptop. 

“An akuma attacked the school. They let us out early,” he said. 

“And?” She prompted, knowing full well by the lack of urgent texts or emails on her phone from Gabriel of the answer his son was about to tell her. 

“I’m ok! Don’t worry! We hid in the classroom the entire time. But yeah, Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up and took care of everything.”

Nathalie looked over at him.

“I’m just glad you’re safe.”

It was true. Adrien didn’t deserve to be caught up in the middle of all these akuma attacks that his father sent out. Life had dealt him an incredibly shitty hand. Spending his formative years isolated from any of his peers except for the mayor’s brat daughter, the occasional family member here and there, or a guest’s child that would no contact with him after the visit was over. Waking up day after day to find it structured down to the most minuite detail with no variation whatsoever. Having his extracurriculars selected with out any consideration to his own interests. Putting him forward on the path to stardom and a future modeling career without acknowledging how damaging the attention and fame would be for a boy his age. Being kept in the dark about the true conditions of his mother’s disappearance. Being saddled with a workaholic father who had no idea how to healthily process his emotions or sense that others might turn to him for support. Add on being a teenage boy with typical teenage struggles and it amazed her that Adrien did not break. Instead, he was _thriving._ He successfully made the transition into public school. He made close friendships that he had spent hours upon hours blabbing to her about. No matter how stressful the day, he was on top of his studies and his activities. Sure he complained, disagreed, even rebelled like any other teenager would, but at the end of the day he was _happy._ He deserved to _shine._ Flourish. Bask in the sunlight of a better future.

_If there’s anyone in this house that’s going to get out of this damn mess its you kid_

It was a comforting thought. She finished reading and closed out of the pdf. 

“Do you need any help with your homework today before fencing?” Nathalie asked. 

“No, but thanks,” Adrien answered. “How was the doctor?”

He must have overhead her asking his father for time off. She didn’t mind his question. There were no secrets in the house except for the ones they shielded Adrien from. 

“It was alright. She ran a few tests that I should get back within the week.”

“So what does she think it is?”

“Maybe anemia or mono, but it’s still too soon to tell.”

A crestfallen expression crossed Adrien’s face. His hand tightened on the book bag’s strap. He glanced down at the floor before looking at her again.

“But you are going to be ok _right?_” Worry seeped through his voice.

_Oh no_

Was he about to cry? It was difficult to tell with men, and by extension, boys above the age of ten who internalized any form of vulnerability as a weakness to suppress. But Adrien wasn’t like that. He had always been open about expressing his feelings, despite his father’s complaints about how sensitive he was, but yet, he never cried in front of anyone. Not even when his mother disappeared. She imagined that he did when he was alone. Alone in that unnaturally spacious, cold room with all the lights turned out. Perhaps huddled up on his bed and rocking back and forth. His sobs loud enough to fill the room, but not to get the attention of anyone who might pass his bedroom door.

The thought made her heart break. 

Nathalie rose halfway from her chair and placed her hand on Adrien’s shoulder. 

“Please don’t worry. The doctors are doing everything that they can to fix me.”

_Medicine might stave off the symptoms for a while but it can’t change what’s ahead_

“I’m going to get better. What’s happening now is just a little setback, but everything will be back to normal.” 

_ I’ve accepted my fate it’s alright _

As frightening as the concept was, Nathalie had given extensive thought to the consequences of using the Miraculous and her eventual passing. She had already put her affairs in order, despite her young age. And if she was gone, who would mourn her? Sure her parents would miss her, but that was expected. Her younger sister would miss her less. The intense childhood rivalry that molded Nathalie into the hardworking, competitive individual that she was now, definitely left its scars on her. Perhaps the few friends that hadn’t fallen over the wayside that was work, family life, higher education and other obligations might feel sad, but they’d move on. The lovers that lit up her past probably didn’t even remember her name. She had been certain that no one would be affected in the long run.

But over the course of two years Adrien and Gabriel had become a fixture in Nathalie’s life. And unlike the others, they _needed _ her. She had been the glue holding the family together during those dark days when Emilie fell into the coma, and now with her working with Gabriel to obtain the Miraculouses, she was the key to making their life happy again. The exchange would be worth it. She thought that both Adrien and Gabriel would quickly forget about her once Emilie was back, but the past few months were making her second guess again.

“Promise me you’ll be ok?” Adrien asked.

_I can’t promise you anything _

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

_ But what I want to tell you Adrien is that you’re the younger brother or the child I wish I could have had _

Nathalie gave Adrien’s shoulder a pat. 

_ I care about you more than you’ll ever know _

The sadness on Adrien’s face faded. He gave her a warm, serene smile. 

“Oh yeah I forgot!”

Nathalie’s hand recoiled. Adrien rummaged through his bag.

“I took a little detour on my way home from school and got you this.”

He handed her a little plastic pharmacy bag. Inside were a box of cough drops and a small packet of candy.

“It’s not much but I wanted to do something special for you since you already do so much for me.”

It took all Nathalie had to not let the bag fall to the table. Her lip trembled, and she blinked to prevent the waterworks from cascading down her cheeks.

_I take everything back I don’t want to die_

The little bag in her hand probably only amounted to five euros at most. It was something that anyone could get, yet Nathalie supported it like if she were holding a bag that contained a valuable set of jewelry. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

“No prob. Feel better Nathalie!” Adrien waved to her as he headed to the door.

Nathalie reached for the candy. She opened the bag and took one out as she went back to reviewing more reports.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“Nathalie. Tell me. Is this all worth it?”

Gabriel’s defeated, tired voice hardly registered over the crackling of the flames in the fireplace. Its heat brushed up against Nathalie’s face. She pushed herself up so that she knelt comfortably beside the armchair he sat in. Her hand in his’, she looked straight into his eyes.

“Of _course_ it is. Our progress may be slow but we are light years ahead then we were at the start.”

_We both know the truth we’re no closer from where we started but we have to keep on trying for your sake_

“And you want her back, don’t you?”

Gabriel sighed.

“I do. I miss her terribly.”

Speaking Emilie’s name out loud had become something of a taboo. At first, Nathalie figured it was because watching her wither away in the chamber below pained Gabriel too much. Now, with almost a year gone by, their defeats piling up one by one, and by the way he gave in to each comforting word and gesture, Nathalie found herself filled with doubt.

The love that Gabriel had showered Emilie with back when she had been awake and vibrant reminded Nathalie of old tales of chivalry. From the countless paintings that hung on the wall, the statue in the garden, the photographs and sketches of her wearing Gabriel’s designs, and the occasional birthday, anniversary, or valentine’s day card that Nathalie happened to find on his desk, she was aware that he worshipped her. What they shared, she supposed, was a dutiful, private, and quiet passion. The kind that was not expressed by outward physical affection, but by grand gestures and tributes. It was Gabriel’s steadfast devotion, dedication, and courage throughout Emilie’s illness that changed Nathalie’s view of him. She never thought she’d fall for a man over ten years her senior. It was his ideals that picked up the pieces of her heart first, before his slim physique, piercing blue eyes, and the rare smile he showed to the world snatched it completely. 

She tightened her grip on his hand. Despite their proximity to the fireplace, his hand was cold to the touch. Suddenly her hand felt clammy. Her cheeks burned once more. Desperate images flashed through her head to deal with the lack of warmth: running her fingers over the back of his hand with a tender caress, sandwiching his hand in between hers’ and applying a steady pressure, letting her lips linger on the back of his knuckles with a series of light kisses, grabbing his hand and nestling it in between her bosom so he could feel how her heart frantically beat—-

_ **Stop ** _

Nathalie shivered. Her hand slipped out of his grasp and she raised her elbow to block an oncoming cough.

“Nathalie?”

Gabriel’s hand settled on her shoulder. With a firm grip, it guided her upright and anchored her in place. The coughing ceased. His hand tenderly slid back and forth. 

“You must be freezing. Why don’t you come up here?”

Gabriel drew back. He slid to his left to give Nathalie room to sit next to him.

“That’s kind of you Gabriel, but you need rest more than I do.”

_I’m begging you don’t get my hopes up_

“Nathalie I _insist,_” he gave the cushion a pat.

Nathalie’s eyes widened as she watched his hand bunch up over the fabric. His fingers spread out and pressed into a squeeze. She glanced over her shoulder at the fireplace, then back at him.

“Thank you.”

Gabriel reached for her. His hand supported her lower back as he eased her down into the chair. The sides of their legs touched. Nathalie’s elbows jutted into the sides of her stomach so that they wouldn’t bump into him. Her hands dug down into a tight grip on her knees. She studied the lines etched out on the wooden floor.

_This is dangerous _

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Gabriel’s hand lift up. He set it down right on top of her hand that lay the closest to him.

_This is **very** dangerous _

The pounding in her chest _hurt._ She sat up straighter. 

_ It is my job to give you false hope but you need to be honest with **me ** _

“Nathalie,” he started. “If we’re still going to pursue this goal, I can’t let you use the Peacock Miraculous.”

She wanted to jump up to her feet and draw back, but Nathalie’s fatigue kept her rooted to the chair. 

“But I’m doing this to _help_ you,” she said.

“Then find another way. I can’t watch another person I care about succumb to that _thing’s_ curse.”

Fear _jolted_ inside her.

_ Don’t say you care you are a married man you love her don’t you you **need** to go back to her it is what’s right what should be right and I am fine with loving you from afar_

Gabriel’s tense expression had not changed. Nathalie’s hand clammed up.

_Even if I still dream of **wanting** you all to myself and happy endings we know the truth _

“It’s my choice to make,” Nathalie told him. “I know the risks but when we get the Ladybug and Cat Miraculouses we’ll have a _cure_ on hand. We’ll _both_ be saved.”

_ We both know the truth why can’t we just say it out loud? _

Boldness rushed through her. Nathalie turned towards Gabriel and raised their clasped hands up. 

“For once Gabriel _trust _ my instinct.”

_For once Gabriel let me show you that I **love** you _

She watched him take in her words. He closed his eyes, then reopened them.

“I’ll think it over,” he said. 

It was the second time that day that tears welled up in her eyes. She was barely able to hold them back. 

“Thank you. For _everything._”

Surprise at her odd choice of words flickered in his eyes. Overjoyed, Nathalie leaned in. Her free hand shot to his shoulder. Eyelids drooped as the space between them closed in. Lips jutted out, head tilted before her more rational side perked up and forced her to pull away before he suspected her intentions.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“Wow! That look like it hurt!”

Duusu curiously eyed the bandaid on Nathalie’s arm. Her tiny blue blob of a hand reached out and prodded it.

“Duusu please don’t touch it,” Nathalie’s arm tensed from the pressure.

“I can’t believe humans actually want to sew their blood together. Why would you do that?” Duusu grabbed onto the edge of the bandaid. She gave a tug.

“It’s a _medical_ needle. You don’t sew with it, it draws blood out so it can be checked for diseases,” Nathalie explained.

Duusu let out an excited gasp. 

“That’s so weird! You humans are so _weird_ and so _interesting!_ Can I take a look? Can I? Please? Please? Pretty please?” 

Nathalie gazed down at the Peacock Miraculous that lay on the desk. It was so easy to give Duusu a stern “no” and command her to go back inside. That would be the sort of thing that Gabriel would do, but she wasn’t anything like him. Ever since she opened the Pandora’s Box that was Duusu’s home, she made it a habit to let Duusu out twice a week after work. Despite Duusu’s rambunctious level of energy, wavering attention span, and incessant prattling, Nathalie enjoyed her company. It made her feel good to lighten up Duusu’s loneliness, and their meetings helped distract her from any stress or worries she felt. 

“Alright. But don’t touch the cut.”

“Yay!”

Duusu yanked the bandaid off.

_Ow_

Duusu examined the crook of Nathalie’s arm. She looked up, confused.

“I don’t see anything.”

“That’s because the insertion site is so small. And it’s probably already healed, so there’s no blood or scarring to be seen.”

“Oooh,” Duusu was intrigued. She glanced down then back up again.

“You’re the coolest person ever Ms. Nathalie!”

_ A reserved, quiet, untrendy person like me being cool? Has this world been turned upside down? Someone better tell my old classmates from lycée and uni_

Nathalie chuckled.

“You really think that?”

“Yeah! You’re like super nice, and you spend so much time with me, and you tell me all sorts of things that I never knew about. The other lady I used to be with was also cool, but she was always so busy. I haven’t seen her in a long time, I wonder what happened to her?”

Nathalie paused. Her hand over the Miraculous tensed up.

“You don’t remember her name?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember many things from long ago anymore. But it’s ok! I have you now and we’re going to be together for a long time right?” Duusu happily chirped. 

Nathalie’s heart _sunk_

Staring into Duusu’s wide, bright, and trusting eyes, Nathalie remembered thinking back when she first summoned her that Duusu was the kwami equivalent of a young child. The time the two spent together had proven Nathalie wrong. It pained Nathalie to lie, but Duusu could never know how the misuse of her Miraculous led the two holders who cared for her the most to an early grave. 

“Of course we will.”

Nathalie cupped her hands together to let Duusu sit in the palm of her hand. She tried to smile, but found that her lip quivered.

“I love you Duusu,” she whispered. 

The world sparkled in Duusu’s eyes.

“I love you too Ms. Nathalie!” She nuzzled up against the curve of Nathalie’s hands.

Nathalie pulled Duusu in close to her chest. She tilted her head down, thankful that Duusu couldn’t see the tears streaming down her face. Her fingers gently tapped against the kwami’s frail back. She moved Duusu up and gently kissed the top of her head.

_It’s not her fault that she’s like this _

The lump in her throat hummed. Thick and watery, it trickled its way up. The composure that Nathalie had over herself was gone. She broke down into sobs. 

_ It’s not our fault that everything’s like this _

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact this is the longest one shot I've ever written


End file.
